i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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