he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
