i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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