I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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