Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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