the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
