Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
