You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
