just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
