You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
