There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
of course. lets lasso hookers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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