bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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