dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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