okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
