I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
