if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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