I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
