Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
