Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
