Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
