You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
