hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
