I should be sponsored by Trojan
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
