I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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