So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
