And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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