Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
