Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
