i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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