I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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