Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
