I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
