tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
