it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
