I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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