I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
