you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
