I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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