There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
