Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
