Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
