my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
