When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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