i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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