it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
