shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
