What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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