I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
