please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have demons in me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
