Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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